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  Watching January: A Novel

  By

  Kamilla Murphy

  Copyright 2014

  All rights reserved

  Chapter 1

  Jan

  We were sitting out on our patio, sipping Bloody Marys as Sunday morning sunshine shone down on us, wasted on two people who’d lost the appreciation for such a thing.

  “I see the way you react to Griffin and how you two flirt all the time, so why don’t we see if we can start something, huh?” my husband said, the late summer sun the warmest part of our conversation.

  “Sure, so you can finally get your paws on Nadine’s tits like I believe you’ve been dying to do since we moved into the neighborhood.”

  We’ve been married for ten years and the edges were terribly frayed, and indelibly marked by exurban banality. My name is Jan, short for January. Can you believe that? I did like my name; however my parents never gave me a reasonable explanation on how the name was selected. I was born in May so that wasn’t it. I didn’t have a relative with a name close to January either. Maybe my folks were high at the time. The name did prove prophetic though, since like the month I tended to start new things with a bang but never finish. And wasn’t that the story of my marriage—great passion and love sputtering to nothing?

  Yes, the sexual flint wasn’t sparking much anymore between Roger and me. We were childless and bored, and lately talking about divorce, but that’s all it was—talk. It turned out we didn’t even have the passion needed to split. When the subject of seeing others came up my immediate thought was Griffin Langman, a thought that moistened a certain part of my anatomy, but a tawdry affair wasn’t the answer, at least that’s what I believed. Roger brought up the subject of swinging once. Swinging had no appeal since the idea of anonymous sex didn’t excite me very much. Perhaps it was our malaise of ennui and not nerves that kept us from pursuing anything like extramarital affairs or swinging. Or perhaps it was because we somehow still loved each other.

  The Langmans were an older couple with a college bound eighteen-year-old daughter they had late in life. Griffin was a take-charge lawyer with charisma and a quick wit who always said the right things to me. Though he was much older and with gray at his temples, it was no secret I was attracted to his tall, ruggedly handsome, lean masculinity, especially since I was a rather petite lady. I liked them tall and lanky. Not that Roger was a slouch. He worked out religiously and had a fantastic body. He also was a kid at heart, so if it wasn’t one of those grass-is-greener things then maybe it was a desire for an intangible level of maturity. All I knew was that my attraction to Griffin was real.

  Roger knew how I felt about Griffin. Griffin and I flirted with each other any time we were together. Always the gentleman, he was never lewd about it either. I doubted his flirting was innocent; he wanted into my pants for sure. Since I had my own fantasies of Griffin perhaps swinging with them would be the spark I needed, and supposedly for Roger as well. I just wasn’t convinced Griffin’s wife would go along.

  Nadine was an enigma. She was about the same age as her husband but somehow you always thought she was younger. At times she was cool and aloof; as if she was above it all. Then later she’d display the fun-loving—almost silly—demeanor of a teenager in social situations, belying her intelligence and business acumen. She was a curvaceous brunette with double D’s that were surgically enhanced. I never saw Roger overtly flirt with Nadine or anything like that, but I knew he often ogled her spectacular breasts so I assumed they were the allure. Then there were the rumors she leaned toward women.

  “So, who’s gonna broach the subject?” I asked.

  Roger agreed he would introduce the idea to Griffin when they played golf the following weekend. What he said next was the greater surprise.

  “I don’t think you’re seeing the whole picture here, hon. Yeah, Nadine’s tits would be a treat but I really don’t like the woman. It’s not so much a swap I’m looking for. It’s seeing you with Griffin. Watching him seduce you would be a thrill, as much for me as it would be for you.”

  “Is this some kind of cuckold fantasy of yours?”

  “I don’t know about the cuckold label, but seeing another man seduce you and take you IS and has been a fantasy of mine for a long time, I admit it.”

  “Let me wrap my mind around this,” I said with a slight shake of my puzzled head. “You don’t want to swing with Nadine and Griffin. You want Griffin to fuck me…while you watch?”

  “Please don’t put it that crudely, Jan. I don’t need to actually watch you fuck him, though that would be nice. What I want to see is the seduction and foreplay, and what that does to you. I certainly don’t excite you like I once did. That’s what I want to see, the incredibly lusty woman I married aroused again beyond belief.”

  He was correct about no longer exciting me. It wasn’t as if he’d gotten fat or fell apart in some other way, although whether it was his fault or mine didn’t really matter. Based on what he just revealed I wondered how he would phrase the proposition to Griffin. Roger assured me that he would be tactful, yet we both believed Griffin’s flirting with me signaled he would go for it in a heartbeat. I don’t think my husband was including Nadine in the equation, and for any scheme like this to work she had to be considered, because if it was more about watching than swapping then what would her role be? It made me wonder if he knew more about the Langmans’ marriage than he let on.

  “It’s your fantasy, dear, so run with it,” I told him, my doubtful tone obvious to at least my own ears.

  That evening I stood naked before a mirror as if taking stock of my assets. In all modesty what I saw proved I still had the goods. I’m a five-foot-one, small framed blond. Placing a hand under each of my B-cup girls I confirmed that they were as perky and firm as they were at eighteen. Because I’m petite men who come on to me always assume I’m younger than I am, and in some strange way they all want to be surrogate fathers.

  I turned to check out my ass and nodded approvingly. I felt the tingle and saw that my nipples had stiffened. In many ways my nipples were more sensitive than my clitoris. I loved it when Roger played with them, although he hadn’t in a long time. I bet Griffin would worship my nipples. That’s when I moaned and felt the trickle of moisture between my thighs. Griffin! Oh God, thinking about him was rapidly breaking down my resistance.

  After their round of golf on Saturday morning, Roger told me that Griffin was at first reticent, but eventually agreed that I did turn him on and he would be amenable to the concept of swinging with us. He wasn’t sure about Nadine but admitted to Roger that the two of them had discussed “alternate lifestyles” themselves, whatever that meant. The plan was to have a poolside get-together at their house that evening, and then later when their daughter Heather went out with friends we would see where things went.

  All afternoon I vacillated. I often imagined Griffin’s self-assured, confident manner would translate well to the bedroom and he would be an excellent lover. On the other hand, though Roger was extremely virile he could also be selfish at times, not always attending to my needs. My decision was clear when I chose the yellow bikini to wear later. The yellow one was my skimpiest, emphasizing my golden hair and youthful breasts. The bra fabric was thin and allowed my sensitive, therefore normally hard nipples to be prominently displayed. I guess I was already saying “yes” to the evening’s adventurous possibilities.

  Heather met us at the door when we arrived. The young lady wore her bikini proudly, making me glad I had clothes on over mine. She was a knockout, lucky enough to possess the best of both parents’ genes. Pretty Heather was as firm and sinewy as her dad. Her reddish-brown hair had enough salon-added blond highlights to add to her sexiness. Her breasts seemed impressive, a
nd I wondered if hers were surgically enhanced like her mother’s were. For someone so young and beautiful I thought that would be a shame. Roger certainly didn’t care seeing how he ogled her from the moment she opened the door. Alas, as someone once said: youth was wasted on the young.

  Whether she knew the score or was just being thoughtful, Heather led us out back to the pool and then made herself scarce. Griffin greeted us warmly and refrained from any flirting comments with me, which was extremely ironic considering the possibilities. Nadine’s black bikini was cut so as not to emphasize her wide, womanly hips, although with her breasts taxing her bikini top like they were, no man would be looking at her hips anyway.

  Griffin fixed us drinks as Roger and I undressed down to our bathing suits. My flamboyant husband never eschewed an opportunity to show off his physique, so he wore his tight Speedos. Lean Griffin was the opposite, wearing long board shorts that camouflaged his assets. Both of the Langmans looked as nervous as I felt. We talked about nothing in particular, Griffin and I in adjacent pool lounge chairs with Nadine and Roger sitting across from us at a small distance, drinking our cocktails in some level other than moderation. My husband and Nadine moved their loungers closer to each other and their conversation grew hushed.

  Griffin took his eyes from his wife and turned toward me. He looked surprisingly sheepish as he spoke. “Jan, you look amazing in that bikini . . . not that you don’t look amazing all the time.”

  “Thanks, Griff . . . I wore it especially for you.”

  This man who always looked so self-assured—so “together”—now looked like a nervous teenager on his first date. This endeared him to me even more. After a moment he said, “This is too weird, like I was pushed onto a lighted stage without knowing one single line of the play. What do I do?”

  I said to him, “You know, we don’t have to do anything . . . we don’t have to follow any plan if you don’t want to.”

  “That’s just it, Jan. Honestly, I’ve always lusted after you, but that doesn’t change how crazy this whole scene seems to me. Do you understand?”

  “I’ll be honest too. I’ve had fantasies of you and me…” I knew I’d blushed and couldn’t state the obvious.

  “Well, that’s where we are. Roger has the plan, and frankly I don’t understand exactly what he’s looking for. He doesn’t really want to swap, does he? I mean, Nadine doesn’t … go that way.”

  That’s when I spelled out what Roger proposed. I explained how Roger wanted to see me being seduced. “He says it’s not about actually watching me … in bed … but I think that’s part of the fantasy too. Maybe a big part.” I looked over at Roger and saw that he and Nadine had stopped talking and were now watching us.

  “Okay, but what do you want?” I didn’t expect him to ask that direct question, so I hesitated in giving him an answer.

  Meeting my husband’s gaze, I finally answered Griffin, “I’m not sure if I’m ready to give my husband what he wants, but I’m convinced I know what I want. I want you. So the next move is yours.”

  Chapter 2

  Roger

  Watching my wife and Griffin, I remembered a scene from Eyes Wide Shut where Nicole Kidman’s character was dancing with an older man as she glanced back at Tom Cruise’s character and smiled, like she was silently asking “is this what you want?” I barely remember that movie so it didn’t influence my fantasy of watching January being seduced by another man. I was being honest when I told her that since her spark of arousal wasn’t from me anymore, then I wanted to see that spark flow from another man. If you looked at Jan with him, you realized that man was Griffin.

  Nadine leaned closer to me and whispered, “Roger, do you see that look? I’d say that Jan is ready. The question remains whether Griff will make the move.”

  I whispered back, “Look, he’s got a hard-on started. I’d say that since we primed the pump, if we weren’t here watching they’d already be at it.”

  “I think you’re right, but isn’t watching them the whole idea? And by the way, my hubby’s not the only one starting a hard-on.”

  She was right, of course. Just seeing them look at each other spoke of what could happen later, and my mind drew the proper mental images.

  Nadine said, “I know you and I have never really hit it off, but I must admit you’re USDA prime and your… ahem… package looks like it could do some damage. Are you sure you just want to watch them?” I must have been lost in my own world since I didn’t realized she’d taken off her top until I glanced back at her and the huge ripe melons caught my attention like she knew they would. “Go ahead and play with them. That’s what you’re dying to do,” she purred.

  “Shouldn’t we wait until Heather is gone?” I asked.

  “She’s a big girl now. They have to wait, not us.”

  I tentatively touched the closest tit, and it sure felt solid. Whatever it was that possessed me made me glance over at Jan and Griffin. They’d stopped talking and were instead watching us. I felt like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, though these were some great big cookies!

  Nadine moaned at my touch, then said, “I think we did it. It looks like we confused the hell out of them.”

  I wasn’t sure about the ‘we’ part but they did look confused. I said, “Are we on for tonight?”

  “Look at them. Do they look like they’ll fuck?”

  Yes, they did.

  She then added, “We’re on, then. You get to watch if they let you, and maybe I’ll join them afterwards. I’ve always been hot for your wife.”

  “You?”

  She giggled, which sounded strange coming from her as it always did. “I just love women! What do you think Jan would do if I hopped into bed between them?”

  “I don’t know,” was all I could say.

  “You don’t really know your own wife do you?” she said. “Most men know when their wife swings both ways. The good ones encourage it. Some even watch.” She rolled her tongue around her parted lips and my cock grew fully rigid watching her.

  I went back to watching my wife’s body language. She squirmed like she did when aroused, as if it were a real itch that needed scratching. Griffin’s body language spoke volumes as well. I liked what I saw. I’m not sure how to explain why I wanted my wife to fuck another man. A few years ago I noticed the change in me. I assumed married men fantasize while in bed with their wives. I did. In your mind you substitute someone else for your woman; your favorite hot actress perhaps. Maybe you fantasize you’re with a girl from the office, or maybe a MILF neighbor. I had those fantasies at times. Then one night my fantasy changed. In my mind I didn’t substitute someone for Jan. Instead I substituted someone else for me. It was like an out-of-body experience. While I fucked my wife, I imagined an actor she drooled over was the one between her legs, not me. It was as if I was a passive observer, and the mind game gave me an explosive orgasm. After that I suggested to Jan that we role play, with her pretending I was the actor she lusted for. It worked for a while. Jan had some amazing orgasms at first but eventually the role playing went south. I guess you can only pretend for so long.

  That’s how my fantasies morphed and got us here today. She thought I was tired of her and wanted to be with other women because of my swinging suggestions. However, I realized that no lover, fantasy or otherwise could replace the real Jan. My problem is I didn’t see the “real” Jan very much anymore. Her fantasies were obviously as powerful as mine, and they left me in the dust, the magic gone. I wanted her back. I knew it might sound strange to others but I’d get the real Jan back by placing her in Griffin’s arms. I wanted to see that, and I wanted it badly.

  Nadine pulled me out of my reverie with, “No wonder you’re not satisfying her…even my nice new tits didn’t hold your attention for long.”

  She’d just reminded me of one of the reasons I didn’t like her. With Nadine it was all about her and nobody else. “Who says I’m not satisfying her?” I grabbed my crotch for emphasis and added, “I know
how to satisfy a woman, if she actually wants to be satisfied.”

  “Oh boy! I’m letting my husband indulge in his fantasies so you can fulfill yours and you dis me like that? Maybe you’re right. I could care less about getting satisfied by you. Griff will satisfy Jan, though. I know he will.”

  I ignored Nadine. I watched Jan and Griffin instead. They were deep in conversation, and they both looked flushed. Nadine and I were sitting too far away to hear what they were saying and that was a shame. I wanted to hear the seduction, the anticipation of sex, the verbal foreplay. I was about to tell Nadine I was moving closer to them when Heather came out of the house.

  “Jesus, Mom,” she exclaimed. “You just have to show them off to everyone.”

  “No dear, just Roger.” Nadine shook her tits at me for emphasis. Heather shook her head in disgust.

  After a horn sounded and Heather went off with her friends for the evening, Nadine whispered to me, “Do you need to give them a signal? Jesus, look at them. They’re looking at us like we’ll wave a green flag or something.”

  “So, let’s move over there and encourage them. Wave that flag.”

  “You think you have this all figured out, don’t you? When Griff gives her the first orgasm and she screams, you’ll feel the jealousy. It won’t be quite the fantasy you think it’ll be.”

  “Are you saying that you won’t be jealous?”

  “My jealousy will be quite different than what you think. I’ll be jealous of Griff, not Jan.”

  “You’re serious about desiring my wife?”

  “Of course I’m serious. I never kid about sex with a beautiful woman.”

  “So, you’re a lesbian. How does that work out with Griffin?”

  “Silly, silly man. Labels mean nothing. I fuck whomever I wish to fuck. I think of myself as omnisexual, like why are there only two flavors to try?” For a moment the movie reel in my head played Nadine with a German shepherd, but it melted away faster than stuck film in a projector did. She wasn’t done. “If you like labels, what do you call someone who wants to watch another man fuck his wife silly? A watch-a-sexual? Oh, maybe a voyeur-a-sexual? We should be able to coin a label just for you. I know, I know! Cuckold!”